'I wasn't a visitor. I was your father!'
WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN — In a deeply moving podcast released this week, Yossi Gold, a father who lost his 13-year-old son to suicide after being systematically prevented from seeing the child for four years, opens his soul and shares the devastating pain of experiencing extreme Coercive Custodial Control (CCC).
The podcast, which has been widely shared across social media, represents a courageous act of vulnerability from a grieving father who hopes that by sharing his story, he can prevent other families from experiencing the same tragedy.
A Father’s Courageous Testimony
In the podcast, Gold discusses the unimaginable pain of being separated from his son for four years, culminating in being barred from the child’s bar mitzvah—one of the most significant milestones in a Jewish boy’s life. The child’s profound distress over this separation ultimately led to his death by suicide in March 2024, just three months after his bar mitzvah.
Gold’s testimony serves as both a heartbreaking account of loss and a powerful warning to other parents about the devastating consequences of allowing conflicts to escalate to the point of complete parental alienation.
The Message to Other Parents
Throughout the podcast, Gold emphasizes a critical message to other parents: no matter what conflicts or feelings you may have with the other parent, you must never allow those conflicts to reach the point of completely cutting off a child’s relationship with their parent.
His words carry the weight of unimaginable loss—the loss of a child who loved his father and whose life was cut short by the devastating consequences of extreme Coercive Custodial Control.
Key Messages from the Podcast
Gold’s testimony highlights several critical points:
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Children Need Both Parents: No matter what conflicts exist between parents, children have a fundamental need to maintain relationships with both parents.
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The Consequences Are Real: Gold’s story tragically demonstrates that Coercive Custodial Control can have fatal consequences. The stakes are life and death.
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Community Interference Can Be Destructive: The involvement of community activists and extended family in blocking the father from his son’s life was a critical factor in this tragedy.
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Milestone Events Matter: Preventing a parent from attending a child’s bar mitzvah, graduation, birthday, or other milestone events sends a devastating message to the child.
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It’s Never Too Late to Change: Gold’s message is one of hope—that other parents can recognize the harm they’re causing and take steps to repair relationships before it’s too late.
The Four-Year Separation
According to reports, Gold and his son had not seen each other in approximately four years following the parents’ divorce. Community activists from the mother’s Hasidic sect insisted that the father not attend his son’s bar mitzvah in December 2023, claiming their concern was that the boy would be “permanently scarred” by seeing his father after the lengthy separation.
This justification tragically backfired in the most devastating way possible. Those close to the family reported that the boy had been “crying non-stop for several years” and that “all he wants is to see his father, whom he loved and admired so much.”
A Father’s Anguished Words
In a heart-rending eulogy delivered at his son’s funeral, Gold’s words captured the profound injustice of the situation. Speaking in Yiddish, his words often incomprehensible due to heavy sobbing, Gold said:
“You had a father who loved you. How I wept and wept, how many gifts I tried sending you.”
At one point, the father appeared to lose control and burst out: “I wasn’t a visitor, I was your father!”
This anguished cry speaks to the core of what Coercive Custodial Control does—it reduces a parent to a stranger, a visitor, someone who must be kept away rather than a fundamental part of a child’s life.
The Pattern of CCC in Faith Communities
This tragedy occurred within the Hasidic community, but the pattern it represents is not unique to any single faith or community. Coercive Custodial Control can occur in any community where:
- Community Pressure: Extended family or community members interfere in custody matters
- Sectarian Divisions: Religious or cultural differences between parents are exploited
- Social Stigma: Divorce carries such strong social stigma that one parent feels justified in extreme measures
- Lack of Recognition: Community leaders fail to recognize CCC and its devastating consequences
Gold’s podcast serves as a wake-up call to all communities—this can happen anywhere, and the consequences can be fatal.
Why This Podcast Matters
Gold’s decision to share his story publicly is an act of extraordinary courage. By opening his soul and discussing the pain he has experienced, he is:
- Raising Awareness: Helping others understand the devastating consequences of extreme CCC
- Preventing Future Tragedies: Urging parents to recognize the harm they may be causing and take steps to repair relationships
- Breaking the Silence: Addressing a topic that many communities prefer to keep hidden
- Honoring His Son’s Memory: Ensuring that his son’s death serves as a warning that prevents similar tragedies
The Importance of Early Intervention
Gold’s story underscores the critical importance of early intervention when signs of Coercive Custodial Control appear:
- Children’s Voices Must Be Heard: When a child repeatedly expresses a desire to see a parent, that desire must be taken seriously
- Separation Causes Real Harm: Extended separation from a loving parent is not protective—it is harmful
- Community Leaders Must Act: When community members interfere in custody matters, leaders must step in to protect the child’s right to maintain relationships with both parents
- Professional Help Is Essential: Families experiencing CCC need professional intervention to repair relationships before it’s too late
A Call to Action for All Parents
Gold’s message is clear and urgent: No matter what conflicts or feelings you have with the other parent, you must never allow those conflicts to reach the point of completely cutting off your child’s relationship with their parent.
This is not about taking sides in a divorce. This is about protecting children from the devastating consequences of parental alienation and Coercive Custodial Control.
What Parents Can Do
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Put Children First: No matter how you feel about the other parent, your child’s need to maintain a relationship with both parents must come first
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Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with co-parenting, seek the help of therapists or mediators who specialize in high-conflict custody situations
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Resist Community Pressure: Don’t allow extended family or community members to interfere in your child’s relationship with the other parent
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Recognize the Signs: If your child is expressing distress about not seeing the other parent, take it seriously and take action
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It’s Never Too Late: Even if relationships have been damaged, it’s never too late to take steps to repair them
Our Commitment
Cases like this are exactly why the Alliance to End Coercive Custodial Control exists. We work to:
- Educate Communities: Help community leaders recognize the signs of CCC and understand that action can and must be taken
- Support Families: Provide resources for families navigating these difficult situations
- Advocate for Change: Push for systemic reforms that protect parent-child relationships
- Prevent Tragedies: Work to ensure that no more children suffer the devastating consequences of extreme CCC
If You’re Facing Similar Challenges
If you’re experiencing Coercive Custodial Control or parental alienation:
- Document Everything: Keep detailed records of all attempts to maintain contact with your child
- Seek Professional Help: Find therapists or counselors who specialize in parental alienation and CCC
- Reach Out for Support: Contact our organization for resources and guidance
- Don’t Give Up: Your child needs you, even when others try to keep you apart
If you’re a parent who has been preventing your child from seeing the other parent:
- Recognize the Harm: Understand that preventing your child from seeing the other parent is causing real harm
- Seek Help: Find professional support to help you work through your conflicts without harming your child
- Put Your Child First: Your child’s need to maintain relationships with both parents must come before your feelings about the other parent
- It’s Not Too Late: Even if relationships have been damaged, you can take steps to repair them
Remembering the Child
This article is written in memory of a 13-year-old boy who loved his father and whose life was cut short by the devastating consequences of Coercive Custodial Control. His father’s courageous decision to share his story—and his anguished words, “I wasn’t a visitor, I was your father!”—must serve as a call to action for all of us.
No child should be separated from a loving parent. No child should be prevented from seeing their father or mother at milestone events. No child should be driven to such despair that they see no way out.
We must do better. We must recognize Coercive Custodial Control for what it is: a form of abuse that harms children and can have fatal consequences. And we must act—through education, through intervention, through systemic change—to ensure that no more families suffer this kind of tragedy.
Watch the Full Podcast
We encourage everyone to watch Yossi Gold’s powerful testimony in full. His courage in sharing his story may help prevent other families from experiencing similar tragedies.
If you believe you’re experiencing coercive custodial control or parental alienation, contact our crisis line at 1-800-FAMILIES or email emergency@endccc.org.
To learn more about recognizing and responding to CCC, visit our resources page.